am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
