I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
