this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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