$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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