now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
bring money and cleavage
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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