Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
