She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
