Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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