you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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