He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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