You work out of a Hotel?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
