Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
