He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
