So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
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I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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