You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
