; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think my vagina is haunted
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize