Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
