I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
