almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
