just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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