dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
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we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
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i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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