I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
