i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
