Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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