walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I touched a dick in church today
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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