how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
