I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
