so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
