Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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