I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
