She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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