first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
