Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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