I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Text me some of your sweat
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