He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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