My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she smelled like a LAN party
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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