need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
