only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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