She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
