When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
