Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
