i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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