i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
