Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
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So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just pee around me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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