you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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