I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
