Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
