Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my shit smells like andre
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
