in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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