Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
