I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
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WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
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Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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