the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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