i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
