you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
