He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't deserve a penis
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Everyone says I win the strip club
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
