i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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