I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize