1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
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