i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
