I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
