I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
