No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
