She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
