I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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