community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
