Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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