he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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