I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
