I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Alive.
So much puke
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
