I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
