Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize