Small penises have feelings too.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
