I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
