I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
