A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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