this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
