no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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