i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
