sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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