have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
