thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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