based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
