I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
